he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
