he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
