You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
