woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
