Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
