Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
