I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My vagina is very pro this idea
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
