...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
