Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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