are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
