was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
