So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Panties = found
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
