So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
