I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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