i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
