We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
