if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize