It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
