you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
