my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
third nipple confirmed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize