His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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