I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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