Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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