we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
