Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is Oprah even human
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
