is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
