4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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