Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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