the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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