This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
