if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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