I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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