remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
