i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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