Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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