Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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