The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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