the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
