If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
