I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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