in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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