We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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