Sry I called you an 8
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
