I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
