I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
