You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
