She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
