God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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