I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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