Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
