there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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