Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think your dad took our porno
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
