I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
