Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
