i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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