god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
