College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize