if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
