I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
