remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
