HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
