I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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