i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
