I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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