That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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