My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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