the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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