My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
