Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
