is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
